What's your status?

We had a married life event at our church last night. I didn't go to it. We will have a single life event there tonight.I won't go to that either. I'm still in that space in between. I have been forced to pick a status a few times recently on new doctor's office forms, applications, and even my grad school admissions. I still don't really know which to choose. Yesterday was the first time I was given the option "separated" so I took it. I felt like it was a step forward at least mentally. Over the past couple years I have met several woman who are on different spots of this married to divorced spectrum. Each has a story to tell. I know a couple women who have been separated for many years and barring their husbands filing, will probably never be divorced. I know a couple like me who are in that limbo of haven't yet decided whether or not to make that move ourselves or leave things be. And, I also know several women who went straight to divorce. It's such a personal decision, and I am learning that no one can really tell you which path to take. In the beginning I found myself making so many judgements about the decisions of others, but quickly realized that I had no right to make those judgements. God's Word is clear about divorce and the circumstances surrounding a believer's right to divorce. What isn't so clear is whether one should take advantage of those freedoms is a personal choice, and one that we should not judge. For now, I, personally, am content to be "not quite single".

Waiting on God

So, I'm reading a book by Priscilla Shrier called Discerning the Voice of God. She tells a story of a friend who is "experiencing God in a circumstance that seems about as hopeless as it possibly could." Oh, how I can relate to this. I have experienced God in a remarkable way through this set of seemingly hopeless circumstances, and yet I have found an immense amount of joy through the journey. She goes on to say, "If ever there was an innocent party in a divorce proceeding, she would qualify as one. Her husband, the last person in the world you'd anticipate being unfaithful to his wife, has followed one of Satan's favorite, most predictable lies-the illusion of adulterous satisfaction." Hmm, sound familiar? She writes, "Marcia, of course, has ample biblical grounds  to see it end, and she admits having days when she looks forward to being free of it all." I wish I could meet this woman because I think we would have a lot to talk about. The next paragraph is what really caught my attention. "Lately, as she pours her heart to God and listens for His response, He's been leading her to do something she's not really interested in doing. He's confirming that His will for her during this heart-wrenching season of life is to keep praying for her husband, believing for his return to their home and family." Wow, wow, and double wow. I can relate in part. I have felt very clearly that God wants me to continue praying for my husband, and I do often, but my prayers have been mostly for him to repent and return to God, to be convicted of his sin and to start walking with God, not necessarily to return to me. The reason why I want this is because he is still the father of my children, and I want my kids to have a dad that they can respect and look to as an example to follow, not an example of what not to do. I have received lots of advice from many well intentioned friends and acquaintances. I have been clearly given evidence from scripture that I can biblically and legally dissolve my marriage. I have been asked when I am going to file for divorce, and asked what am I waiting for. Well, I will answer that question in a word, God, that's what I'm waiting for. Like Marcia, I have not felt released from this marriage as of yet, and I don't presume to go before God and the plans He has for my life. Priscilla includes a quote from Marcia at the end of the story, she says, "I know if I keep on praying for him, not just wiping my hands of him, I will get to experience God in a way I never have before and may never have an opportunity to do so otherwise." Well said Marcia! I know that I can't go wrong being patient and waiting for direction from God. I know that this is counter to the way society thinks I should handle things and even some in the church, but I'm okay with that. The end may still be divorce in time, but at least I will know that I did everything that God asked me to do and followed Him along the way, and right now that is my first and only concern. I'm praising God through the storm!