Silver Linings

"God works all things for your good," "This is going to make you stronger," "God never wastes a hurt," "All things happen for a reason," and the list of platitudes could go on and on. I am not saying that these are not true, but sometimes when you have just endured a trial, struggle, or hurt, these don't exactly bring you comfort.

These are the truths that you see much further down the road. After you have worked through some of the pain and heartache, when you have been given comfort, and you can look back and see things from another perspective, that is when these sentiments come to life.

There are so many things that are different in my life now that were not my reality 5 years ago, and today some of the above statements came to life for me.

In January I was able to quit my job of 23 years to devote more time to my other two jobs. The two jobs that I have are a direct result of some difficult things in my life. One job is working with cancer patients, and the other working with women in crisis pregnancies. Both are so rewarding, and neither-I do believe-would I be doing if it had not been for crisis in my own life. God did use those things for my good, He did make me stronger.

This weekend I was brought to tears on a couple of occasions. God allowed me to witness first hand answered prayer in a clients life and it was amazing, a transformation right before my very eyes. He is so good. He gives mercy and grace, and He fills us with joy that cannot be explained. As I witnessed answered prayer, I realized what a blessing my job is as I get to see lives transformed. Wow!

I can now say, thank you God for shattered dreams. He shattered my dreams of what I thought my life was going to be, so that He could give me new and improved hopes and dreams. This has required a lot of change, and who really likes change? It is painful, unpredictable, and uncomfortable. I don't know what is around the corner, and that is scary at times, but I do know I am in His hands, and even in the uncertainty, there is no other place I would rather be.

Battling Cockroaches of the Mind

We have lived in our house for almost 19 years and I have only seen these awful sewer roaches once, dead in our front yard. This year, maybe because of the drought, I don’t know, but I have seen them more than I care to admit. (Here is where you may want to stop reading) Recently these hideous creatures have made their way in to our garage, and because we have two cats who utilize their litter box in the garage, and because we leave the garage door ajar for said cats, they have made their way into our house. Can you say eeewww?!! We have found a handful of these 1 ½-2 inch invaders in our home. Luckily we have two cats and two dogs who finally got off their duff, started doing something productive and alerted us to these unwanted intruders. Once we discovered their invasion and did some research on how to kill them-other than swatting them with a broom in a panicked frenzy-I went to the store to buy the remedy. Just a side note; when you hear your 2o year old son yelling out to you at 11:30 at night in a troubled voice because there is a rogue 2 inch roach running around his room, you wish there were a husband lying next to you to respond instead of you, just sayin. Now on with my story. The spray has been sprayed and the garage door has been shut and the bugs are no longer guests at the Evans Estate. Apparently this has not stopped my subconscious from dreaming that they are still present in our living space, because I woke from a dream this morning where I had been killing them with my scantily clad, flip flop wearing foot. Another eeww! I woke up itchy this morning.

I also struggled with insomnia last night. Awakened about 2:00, I could not go back to sleep, and like many other nights, my insomnia turned into a battle of the mind as I started ruminating on things that have hurt me, things that concern me, things I cannot control. As I was pondering the roach dream and the battle of insomnia, I realized they had some similarities. They were both stealing my peace, invaders of the ugliest kind, sneaking through the cracks into places that they did not belong. Thoughts like roaches sometimes just appear out of nowhere and it’s hard to get rid of them.

There was a battle going on in my mind last night. Normally when I start to ruminate about something, it takes me a minute to realize I am doing it, and then I start to pray, giving it to God. I repeat memorized scripture over and over in my mind. Verses like Philippians 4:8 are helpful, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely or admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, let your mind dwell on these things.” Last night however the battle was fierce, my thoughts were coming like bullets one after the other. I kept at it though, using scripture, praying, asking God to give me peace and rest and sleep. Somewhere between o’dark 30 and morning light that peace came and then rest and then sleep. Thank you Jesus! Zzzzzz

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, will guard you hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6