If I Should Die Before I Wake

I always thought that prayer that I was taught as a little girl was a bit morbid. If I should die before I wake doesn't exude a sense of peace, comfort, and rest, nevertheless I said it with my mom and sister every night growing. Another kind of morbid thing my mom used to do was talk about how she wanted us to handle her body when she died. I can remember as a very young girl being told that she wanted to be cremated. She even went so far as to prepay for all of her cremation services in advance so she knew everything was taken care of. She was a single mom.

I never fully understood her obsession with having everything ready in case she died until I was much older. She didn't have that partner that she could confide in, and rely on, to make sure that those kind of things were taken care of. My poor mom, as teenagers my sister and I would tease her incessantly about her "death plans".

In two weeks, I will be having surgery and all that planning my mom did when I was younger has been brought to the forefront of my mind. Now I really get it, it's just a matter of practicality. What if something happened to me? What if I never wake up from anesthesia? What would the kids do? Like my mom, I no longer have that partner that would take care of those kinds of things; one that I can share my wishes with and rely on. It's just me.

As I think about the impending surgery, I realize it's time to get some of my affairs in order (just in case). I pulled out my Last Will and Testament. The last time I even thought about the thing Daniel and I were going to be flying together and I realized we had nothing down on paper about how we wanted the kids to be taken care of in case of our unfortunate demise.

One of the kids saw it sitting out tonight and thought it might make for some interesting reading, and then proceeded to plan with her brother what they could do with the insurance money, (guess they're not too worried). Since, Daniel is named as the beneficiary of everything, she agreed that it was time to update that baby. So, in the spirit of my dear mother, I too, will be extremely practical and forward thinking and make sure that my wishes are well documented just in case I should I die before I wake.

All Dressed Up and No Place to Go

In the early 80s I loved the band Meatloaf. I had all their songs memorized. One of their songs came to mind last night. I won't share the lyrics with you 'cause I think they are kinda inappropriate (I can't imagine why my mom let an 11 year old listen to such music), but that's another story. The basic gist though is it's a Saturday night, he's ready to go out, but there is no place to go.

Last night was Saturday night, Robin was at work, JoJo was doing homework-with no end in sight- the house was cleaned, lawns mowed. What to do now? This question is one that has plagued me a few times over the last few months. When you've lost your companion there are times that you just get a little lonely. I wasn't alone, but I was lonely. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to catch up with a friend. Now this is where I run into my next problem. Saturday night is a good date night for many married couples and since a high percentage of my friends are married my list is already shortened. My thought to do something was last minute so that leaves out any of my single friends with kids, and the list gets shorter. I thought, what should I do? The best answer came to mind, pray.

While I made dinner I prayed. I prayed that God would hear the desire of my heart to connect with a friend and open the doors that needed to be opened to make that a reality. With dinner done I sent a text to a couple people and was grateful to receive a reply from a friend who was also home alone. God is Good! We had a great time of fellowship.

I am thankful that these times have been few and far between over the past year and a half. God has been a loving and constant companion. I am grateful for Him, my kids, friends, and family. After being married for 20 years the loss of that companionship is difficult. I don't look forward to the empty nest as much as I once did. I know there will be some lonely days ahead, but I also know that God wants the best for me and He will gladly and without reservation meet my needs.

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:19