Clouded Joy

"To all who mourn in Israel, He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning." Isaiah 61:3 This verse was aptly in my inbox this morning as an "encouraging" word. It was an encouraging word. I have had such a long stretch of joyous blessing that I was taken back a bit when I hit a wall of, well we'll just call it a funk. For the last two and a half days I have been in this funk, no energy, feeling negative and lonely. I didn't even want to get out of bed to go to church this morning and that is not me. As the time for church arrived, I decided that I should listen online. Anyone who has ever been in a moment like this knows that you fair better when you actually do get up, move around, do something, but you are battling inside yourself between what you know and how you feel. I made a compromise. I started watching in bed. Following the first song I did get up. I ate something and baked some muffins all the while listening online. I started to feel a little better, I knew I would. Rick's message points today: 1. Never give up. 2. Never give up. 3. Never give up. Hmm, interesting. Nehemiah never gave up, he wasn't side tracked, he knew what had to be done and he kept on it. This is what I want to do. I don't want to let this moment of yuckyness diswade me from my goals to live a joy filled life in Christ and to follow Him. I realize that my struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the enemy. So, as The service ended, I prayed. Father, please take away this veil that is clouding my joy and fill me with You. As I looked at the blank computer screen again I struggled with the thought that writing down my feelings could be cathartic but feeling like I don't really want to. The sun has started to break through the clouds outside and everything is brighter, and as I wrap up this post, I feel that The Lord has pierced the veil over me. I feel His light breaking through. I don't know if this is the end, but I know that He is faithful and even if this lasts a while longer, He is with me and He wants to turn my mourning to gladness. And, to finish Isaiah 61:3 "A garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."