If I Should Die Before I Wake

I always thought that prayer that I was taught as a little girl was a bit morbid. If I should die before I wake doesn't exude a sense of peace, comfort, and rest, nevertheless I said it with my mom and sister every night growing. Another kind of morbid thing my mom used to do was talk about how she wanted us to handle her body when she died. I can remember as a very young girl being told that she wanted to be cremated. She even went so far as to prepay for all of her cremation services in advance so she knew everything was taken care of. She was a single mom.

I never fully understood her obsession with having everything ready in case she died until I was much older. She didn't have that partner that she could confide in, and rely on, to make sure that those kind of things were taken care of. My poor mom, as teenagers my sister and I would tease her incessantly about her "death plans".

In two weeks, I will be having surgery and all that planning my mom did when I was younger has been brought to the forefront of my mind. Now I really get it, it's just a matter of practicality. What if something happened to me? What if I never wake up from anesthesia? What would the kids do? Like my mom, I no longer have that partner that would take care of those kinds of things; one that I can share my wishes with and rely on. It's just me.

As I think about the impending surgery, I realize it's time to get some of my affairs in order (just in case). I pulled out my Last Will and Testament. The last time I even thought about the thing Daniel and I were going to be flying together and I realized we had nothing down on paper about how we wanted the kids to be taken care of in case of our unfortunate demise.

One of the kids saw it sitting out tonight and thought it might make for some interesting reading, and then proceeded to plan with her brother what they could do with the insurance money, (guess they're not too worried). Since, Daniel is named as the beneficiary of everything, she agreed that it was time to update that baby. So, in the spirit of my dear mother, I too, will be extremely practical and forward thinking and make sure that my wishes are well documented just in case I should I die before I wake.