Somewhere Down the Road

My purpose for blogging is therapy. It started after my cancer diagnosis and has not stopped since. Whenever I get overwhelmed or when feelings threaten I let my fingers go on the keyboard. The past couple weeks have been wrought with emotion, confusion and a sense of uneasiness. I know the cause, but I did not know exactly what to do about it.

I find that as I get older, I am more aware of rhythms in my life. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all seem to hold more meaning for me lately in good and bad ways. So, as April 27th approached, I could feel my emotional state heightened. The anniversary of the discovery of my husband's affair. Mixed feelings threatened. Two years has passed, but it doesn't really feel like it sometimes. I still struggle with confusion about how I should feel, how I should act, and what steps I should take next. I was feeling as though I needed to take some kind of action, reach out maybe. I hate the feeling of the unknown. I don't like when I don't know what is going to happen next, nobody does really. It infringes upon our sense of control, and it screams the fact that we are not in control. I kept thinking about the word humility. Humility, really God? Why, I thought should I have to humble myself?

With an obedient heart I responded to His leading and reached out to my husband. And then there was freedom! Those pesky emotions that were bearing down were gone in an instant. There was a relief. My husband's response, although respectful and gentle, was still the same as it had been two years earlier, his position has not changed.

I still don't know what the future holds, but each time God speaks to me, and I obey, there is a richer sense somewhere deep within that it really will be okay.

I heard a song the other day; a blast from the past, with an extremely relevant message. God used it to minister to me that day, a healing balm on my raw emotional state.

Somewhere Down the Road 

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyyT7FRkTSs

If you are wondering what your future looks like, rest assured that your Heavenly Father knows, and He is walking with you every step of the way and with every tear, fear, and trouble, He is wrapping His mighty arms around you. Walk with Him!